living childfree: rejecting obligation

the "living childfree" series is about learning about the experiences, motivations and opinions of childfree women and couples - whether it is by choice, by circumstance, or still undecided. if you are interested in sharing your thoughts, please contact me at yael.santo(at)gmail.com.

this installment of "living childfree" is brought to you by the lovely robin at our carolina days - be sure to stop by her blog and say hello!

photo by yukari* via flickr creative commons

tell me a little bit about yourself.
I'm a 24-year-old in a small-ish town in the Southern part of the USA. I just finished my associate's degree earlier this year. I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost two years.

when did you first know you weren’t interested in having children? what was your reasoning for choosing a childfree life?

As a kid, I always showed more interest in stuffed animals and animal figurines (does anyone remember the "Puppy In My Pocket" collection?), rather than baby dolls. I didn't want to play "mommy" or "baby-sitter" like other girls did. I was annoyed by babies and children. I would constantly avoid them at family gatherings and church events.

When I entered my twenties, I became old enough to see other parents mistreating children that they never really wanted. I could also see sad-looking children with angry parents. I decided that it was wrong to bring a child into the world out of obligation or to make other people happy. No child should have parents who aren't enthusiastic about them. To me, not wanting kids is as natural as not liking certain foods. It's just a preference that some people have.

what were your family and friends reactions like when they first found out? do they take you seriously?

Both of my parents take me seriously, because they could tell from my childhood behaviors that I am not a "kid" person. They are very happy having a "grand-dog" instead. The opinions of my friends never concerned me, since I didn't develop many long-lasting friendships in high school and college. When I met my husband, I told him right away that I did not want children, and he was fine with it.

do you face any other kind of opposition regarding your choice?

Not from anyone who matters.

do you see your choice changing at all in the future?

No. I don't see how one can be truly "childfree" if they think that their choice might change.

childfree women and couples are often described as “missing out” or “being selfish” – do you feel this way at all?

No. There is nothing more selfish than creating a life because other people think you should. I firmly believe that most children can sense more emotions and feelings than we give them credit for. One day, they will detect their parents' unhappiness, and it will hurt them.

what do you enjoy the most about your childfree life? what do you enjoy the least?

I can't think of an answer because I don't necessarily believe that my life is better or different than that of a parent's. This is what I want non-childfree people to understand. Childfree people are just like you - they simply prefer not to have children. I respect their decision to have kids, and I simply want respect for mine in return.

what would you tell someone wanting to live childfree, but under pressure to have children?

Don't do it. It will only bring tension, sadness, and awkwardness to your life and those of your children. Children should only have parents who are enthusiastic and happy about parenthood. In ten years, you might not even be speaking to some of the people who wanted you to have kids. Anyone who really cares about you will accept your choice.

If I may share a brief story: One of my parents' former co-workers dated a man for over six years before they got married. She did not want a child, but he insisted that they have one, and she gave in. Two years later, they were divorced. It turned out that he had been cheating on her since before the wedding. She had created a life in order to please someone who had been betraying her all along.

any last thoughts?

If you want to hear the pitter-patter of feet, consider looking at some of the many dogs and cats in shelters. There are plenty of pets in all age ranges and breeds who need good homes!


thanks again to robin for sharing her thoughts and experiences! don't forget to check out her online home!

if you are interested in animal adoption, be sure to get in contact with your local humane society.
canada
u.s.a.